Cats was Hiss-terically bad, I’m not even kitten


Welcome to another edition of Thinking Out Loud. Thinking Out Loud is where I go to the movies (or watch one at home) and take running thoughts and notes throughout, it gives you a raw inside look at my thoughts as I am watching the movie. I tend to do this with throw away fun movies (like this one) because while I spoil a lot of what happens, you get the jiff when you see the trailers regardless.

On the docket today, the theatrical release of the popular broadway play Cats.

Plot: A tribe of cats called the Jellicles must decide yearly which one will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new Jellicle life.

I have absolutely zero expectations for this film, maybe even negative expectations. 

Their faces… they just look… so dumb. 

Is that Johnny Knoxville? 

The flying in the air is very un-cat like. I’ve never seen a cat fly like that, I know I have a cat. 

Oh this number ever going to end?

Why did Idris agree to do this?

Is it too late to get a refund?

Oh look it’s Rebel Wilson 

Oh snazzy. She hit a rat trap and well it went rather ignored.

Omg please help me. This is getting worse. What’s the point of the cats wearing “fur coats” 

The music is only getting worse. 

Just googled how much this budget was. Wow.

Rebel Wilson a pervert. Shocker. 

More dramatic music for no reason. 

Oh Jennifer Hudson. I like her.

Oh geezzzzz. Crappy Cat puns inside the Cats film. 

Did he just turn Rebel Wilson into Catnip. Ahaha see what I did? 

James Corden… sigh. 

This movie is going to make me quit being a critic. No seriously. I may never watch another movie again. 

Alright. I’ll try to be more Paw-sitive

I could swear this is Johnny Knoxville in this movie, this is worse than his appearance in the Jack Ass movies 

I’m not sure this movie is any better than Dumbo. (see review here: https://thesportsscript.com/2019/03/29/the-valero-verdict-dumbo/)

Can the cat from Pet Sematary come in and kill all these cats?

I’m legit just trying to find the best pun to start off this review.

The Purrrferct disaster sounds like it was good. 

Cats was full of lumps in its litterbox….

Oh we have a tap dancing cat now. 

I’m Felining awful. 

Oh God. Tay Tay. I’m awake…. This movie has my full attention. 

This is the best part of the movie, Tay Tay is perfect. If this movie would’ve had more Tay Tay it would’ve been a lot better. 

Idris is back on and he looks so weird. He is freaking Meowt.

Oh Idris is trying to kill Dench 

After watching Cats, I’m putting my cat up for adoption. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE is singing again. 

I can’t believe the guy that directed this actually beat David Fincher and Social Network for the Oscar. 

This movie was an hour an forty minutes too long.

Jennifer Hudson has such a great voice. I can’t believe she decided to be in this. I’m excited to see her as Aretha. 

Oh Hudson has been chosen Queen of the Cats. 

Can we end this garbage 

The Verdict:

ZERO out of ***** gavels

Movie over Dumbo, The Lion King, the worst movie of the year has been handed over to Cats. I am considering my entire life of a movie critic as we speak. I may never watch another movie ever again. 

This wasn’t good, nothing was even remotely good about it. Just terrible.

Should You See It?: NO. HELL NO. NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!

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Tell me what you thought of the movie, hit me up on here or talk to me on Twitter@RickyValero_

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