Thinking Out Loud: Underwater

Welcome to another edition of Thinking Out Loud. Thinking Out Loud is where I go to the movies (or watch one at home) and take running thoughts and notes throughout, it gives you a raw inside look at my thoughts as I am watching the movie. I tend to do this with throw away fun movies (like this one) because while I spoil a lot of what happens, you get the jiff when you see the trailers regardless.

On the docket today, the Kristen Stewart led film, Underwater.

Plot: A crew of aquatic researchers work to get to safety after an earthquake devastates their subterranean laboratory. But the crew has more than the ocean seabed to fear.

And we are off. 

Loud noises 

Even more loud noises. 

My claustrophobia has kicked into high gear. This job would not be for me. 

T-Rex has arrived. 

Random explosions, is Michael bay producing this?

Barefoot. Glass and rummage every where, lol ok. 

How does TJ Miller still get jobs? 

Dead body. Dead body alert.

On a scale to 1-10 how bad is this movie going to be?

Did he say cake pods? I’m hungry. 

I legit can’t understand what this guy is saying. 

TJ Miller with some unfunny one liners. 

Is this the prequel to First man. We got space suites. 

K-stew is a babe though. 

Avengers assemble or something 

He dead. Like dead dead. 

What did the fish say when it bumped into a brick wall? 

Damn. Who came up with this dumb joke? And made it a line in the movie?

Put the bunny back in the box



Why is she touching that shit without gloves?

This is so stupid. How did this get made? The budget was WAHT? 

I legit wish I would’ve been the dead chick at the beginning of this movie 

6.4 miles underwater, still not far enough down for me to care at all.

Where is Edward when you need him

Is this what drowning feels like?

Just kill TJ Miller. I don’t care. 

Welp. He dead. 

I legit want to walk out.

Just realized we have like 30 minutes left. Omg. Seriously. Drown me. 

I’m done writing things. I don’t care anymore. I hate my life. First the grudge, Like a Boss and now this. 2020 is off to just a great start.

Oh look now we are 47 meters down, I wonder if the sharks are coming !!!!

SERIOSULY? Stuck in water the entire movie but let’s take a shower. 

Serious Question. Why has Kristen Stewart half naked in this entire film? Like its literally for ZERO reason at all. I just think it’s insane how so many times she has just been in nothing but her underwear and bra.

This is the longest hour and half movie of my life. This felt longer than the Irishman.

Story time. 

Maybe they can form Charlie’s angels together and remake a movie about that…. oh wait. That movie bombed too. 

How the hell is she walking with her eyes closed? To avoid alien tenicals.

I feel like enough room in the pod for two. Like seriously. Stupid. 

This is like titanic all over again.

I LOVE YOU 3000 

Seriously. This movie is terrible. Nothing made me remotely care about anything that happened. 

The Verdict:

* out of ***** gavels

Just the acting was pedestrian, the loud score and sounds were so unnecessary and annoying at times. 

I mean the colors were nice? I could say that good about the film. Otherwise it was just another underwater film. 

I seriously couldn’t find a point of this film, like who thought this was a good idea? Who read this script and was like YES THIS WILL MAKE MILLIONS? 

You ever play that game when you were a kid where you try to stay underwater for the longest time? This movie felt like those extra seconds when you are underwater kicking your feet to try and get those last few seconds of time in. 

Should You See It?: My goodness NO!!!!! This was awful and should never have to be watched by no one.

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Tell me what you thought of the movie, hit me up on here or talk to me on Twitter@RickyValero_

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