The TV Series “Maid” is an excellent series to get an idea of what life is like for a woman who is going through verbal and emotional abuse and the path they are taking to get out of the relationship.  The mind games — it is one thing to play mind games playing Everygame Poker or a real life poker game – it is part of the game.  It is fun.  It is expected.  You go into the game knowing that everybody is playing mind games.

But when the poker game is over, the mind games stop.  To put it in a children’s terms, “No Calvinball”.

Calvinball is the legendary backyard sport invented by the mischievous comic strip character Calvin. At its core, it’s a game of unbridled creativity, where anything goes and the rules morph and twist like taffy with every play.  There are no set points, no scoreboards, and no rigid boundaries.  The players make up the rules as they go. One moment you might be dodging flying socks, the next you’re trying to tag someone while hopping on one leg and singing the alphabet backwards. Points are awarded for feats of imagination, daring acrobatics, and utter absurdity.

That is fine when we are talking about a little boy and playing with his stuffed tiger.

But when you are talking about a husband and a wife or a boyfriend and a girlfriend, living everyday life as if you are playing Calvinball, is a living hell.

Spoiler alert — Do not read if you do not want to know details about the show.  But even with the details, it is still worth watching Maid on Nextflix.

List of the episodes in Maid

1. Dollar Store
2. Ponies
3. Sea Glass
4. Cashmere
5. Thief
6. M
7. String Cheese
8. Bear Hunt
9. Sky Blue
10. Snaps

Journey of Alex and her daughter Maddy out of an emotionally abusive relationship

Dollar Store – In the first episode, Alex and Maddy drive away from the emotionally abusive husband (father), Sean.  Sean punched a wall right next to Alex’s face.  As with a lot of women who leave an abusive relationship, she does not have a plan.  She packs and bag and goes.  She first tries to go to a friend’s house, but the friend is Sean’s friend, so that does not work.  Then she tries to sleep in her car, and she is told that she has to go to the Walmart parking lot or go to social services.

The series does very well is talking about all of the different services that are available, and the craziness that is needed to get help.  In the last episode, Alex comments that it took her over a year to get her life back in order while being on 7 different types of social services.  Each different social services covers a different type of help.  One for help with rent.  Another for help with food.  Another is for help with daycare expenses.  It can drive even the most emotionally healthy person insane.

For immediate help, Alex gets a job as a maid, hence the title of the series.  But since Alex can’t help until she finds a job, and even with a job, she has to wait for the first paycheck … end result is that she spends the night on the ferry floor with her daughter.    Then, since she did not follow proper procedure and go to women’s abuse shelter, Maddy is taken away for a week and custody is given to the drunk father who punched the wall right next to Alex’s head.

Over the next couple of episodes, we learn about Alex’s life as a child and that her father was an alcoholic and he hit her mother.

Then the series talks about a couple that lives apart and dealing with that and joint custody.

There are also other issues that the series talks about.

The first is Alex trying to get herself out of poverty (and emotionally healing herself).  Alex loves to write, so she writes about the different families that she cleans houses for.  She applies to college and she gets accepted with a scholarship.

Second, it talks about how a lot of women who leave an abusive spouse or partner end up taking several tries before they completely leave the person.  Some leave, and then go back.

Alex falls into the trap when she is at an emotionally vulnerable place while trying to deal with her mother’s bipolar condition which her mother refuses to get help for.  Alex’s mother ends up cutting her wrist and ends up in the hospital.

Then the shows again how Alex went from being this strong independent person to being an emotional wreck.  One day life is going great and Alex has a job offer of 25 hours a week plus a ferry pass and supplies at a good pay rate.

But the boyfriend gets angry that she “might leave to go to college” and takes away her car (the only way of going anywhere).  They lived so far out, that Alex could not even get to the grocery store.  Next Alex runs out of phone minutes, so she asks Sean for money to buy phone minutes.  Sean refuses and says that they will share a mobile phone.

This means that whenever Sean is not at home, not only is Alex not able to go to any place not within walking distance, but she can not phone anybody either.  And no, they did not have a computer and internet.

One time a friend comes to check up on Alex, because she has not heard from Alex in over a month.  Sean makes up a lie that Alex is not at home, and then he says to Alex, “I do not want you to give out the address to anybody.”

So Alex’s situation is  …

• No access to a car or public transportation
• No access to a phone
• No access to the internet
• Not able to invite anybody over to the house

And then people try to claim that there is no such thing as “emotional abuse”?

When Sean comes home drunk after getting fired from his job, and he chooses to buy alcohol with what little money they have instead of buying food, Alex and Sean get into a screaming fight and then Sean throws a glass at the wall and the glass shatters everywhere.

Alex again leaves, but this time she knows that if she does not immediately go to the women’s abuse shelter, she will lose her daughter.  The show then talks about PTSD relating to abused women.  Then with the help of the shelter and her friend, she contacts college and gets everything straightened out.

But a snag appears when Sean refuses to allow Alex to take Maddy out of state to go to college.  Eventually, Sean realizes that he cannot manage Maddy until he becomes sober and stays that way.

The series ends with Alex talking about her perfect day, going to college, and looking to the future.

Summary

Even if you read the article (including the spoilers), I would still recommend watching the mini-series “Maid”.  Even if you are not in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, the series is a good story about personal perseverance in getting out of a bad situation and moving forward with your life.  It is not always an easy path, and it is not always a straight path.  It is a journey that has it ups and downs.

Watching Alex and Maddy’s journey is a journey worth learning about.